Sonya Rehman’s Archive

By Sonya Rehman

As of late, one of my dear friends was having ‘man trouble’ (such sweet pain a pair of pants can cause a good, wholesome woman).
We talked endlessly. Myself and her. Dissecting and scrutinizing every word he’d ever uttered to her over the past month – the country could well be taken over by those blubbering Johnnies from the mountains, but when it comes to issues with the opposite sex, nothing matters more than the affairs of the heart! Nothing.
But I reiterate; only for good, wholesome women. Those kittens who know how to ‘play the game’ don’t count. They never do.

For a week, my cell phone was my babe in arms. My little Chiquita. I’d spend hours on it with my soul sister, staying in constant touch – via sms, and sporadic, albeit extended conversations.
But one day, something happened. I sort of snapped. Like an angry, red elastic band stretched too wide, in the foolish hopes to tie up a thick, glossy mane. I snapped.

So, why did I snap? Her ‘obsession’ with him, was slowly yet surely doing me in. So much so that I wanted to stick my head into an oven. Sylvia Plath style.
I absolutely erupted, and one day, I let my dearest, doe-eyed friend have it. Good and proper.
“You may hate me for saying this”, I told her sputtering, “But I’m going to be honest and harsh with you rather than pussy-foot around this entire issue. Let go now and get a grip on yourself.”
What followed was dead silence. And then she hung up on me. For a long while, I simply stared at my babe in ar-oops, I meant, cell phone.
What I actually was doing, was confronting my very own, personal demons. An ugly bugly personal demon of unflinching obsession, and possession.

And so I thought and I thought. I mulled over what had just transpired until I felt a sudden pang of regret.
Grabbing my cell phone, I typed out to her: “I hurt when you hurt. Especially when it’s about a mere pair of pants. You’re a good woman. You didn’t drag me down, but in all honesty, what you’re going through is reminding me of what I went through at one point in my life. And what every woman goes through when her heart aches incessantly. Why are women like us so black and white?”

She responded back almost immediately telling me how much she loved me, and how vital it was to remain black and white. And how it was only the good, wholesome, men – who compartmentalize their lives in the blacks and whites, just as us – who were really worth it at the end of the day.
I could almost picture my friend sighing internally, in quiet relief, as she typed out her message to me. In a way, I think she finally started ‘letting go’ that day. And, so did I.

But my friend, I knew inherently, only let go of the obsession in connection with the person. Her obsession with life, and giving love many chances would run free, consistently.
Deep down, she or I for that matter couldn’t, and perhaps, didn’t want to ever change.

But it still made me ruminate. How does one curb passion and obsession? Or should it be curbed? And I don’t just mean ardor regarding an individual, but also towards life, towards one’s work, dreams, goals…

To possess and be possessed is quite like stepping into a patch of quick-sand. It’s like sinking deep, toe-first into a honey pot, letting the gooey swirls of sugary syrup cloak you completely.
Can one live their life with the conscious subtraction of passion? But would not that be like leading a half-life? A dour life, patchy and humdrum? But then again, how much passion is enough? Should it be balanced out? Defined? And can it be? Should it be left limitless, and frantically feral?

At the base of a passionless disposition lies an immense fear of disappointment. And that very base remains strengthened, and lined in place, with one’s ego.
After all, if you love any one thing, or anyone, and you face an off-hand dismissal, what truly makes one crumble? Is it not the bruised ego and wounded pride, which speaks, then?

I only understand now, that painfully honest people, who live their lives without any fancy guises, without elaborate facades tend to nurse fantastic hopes, fantastic, boundless passions which glitter like miniature pearls in the caskets of their hearts, forever.

And at the end of the day, that is their saving grace…their salvation.

*The title of the article was changed to ‘Magnificent Possession’ once published in TFT. But I’ve kept the original title here, because I liked it better.

 The Friday Times

By Sonya Rehman

There’s a billboard on the bridge in Cantonment (Lahore) which features a pink little baby snoozing away on a slice of bread.

The caption reads: “Gifted with softness”. If you haven’t guessed already, the advertisement is for a local bread manufacturer – or…for those who fancy newly born babies (on toast) with a side order of fries and coleslaw.

Advertising in Pakistan can be categorized into three categories; 1.) Ripped off ideas (or blatantly copied) ads from foreign ones, 2.) Good ads with original concepts, and 3.) Boring, insipid ads that would make shooting yourself in the left foot seem like a riot.

The advertising industry in Pakistan is one that has its share of blemishes, but that being stated, it stands as one that is constantly growing – provided Art Directors discontinue slapping babies on toast! Seriously, what were those cannibals thinking?

For the fashion industry, advertising in the local market has now become a true necessity for almost every small-scale (and big-wig) designer, make-up artist, fashion event managers/companies, and so on. If you’re not splashed all over the local press, then it’s ‘ship out and have a fabulous hike dah-ling’ for most involved in the fashion scene.

Therefore, given the necessity of the (now) communal lock between fashion and advertising, a question arises: is fashion in Pakistan being advertised properly? Some would subscribe to the notion that it isn’t – that too much emphasis is placed on the styling, the hair, the make-up, the accessories, the back-drop, the colour scheme of the ad, the font size/text and so on and so forth.

Too messy, some would state, so much so that it takes the viewer’s attention away from the clothes and onto other things featured in the elaborate layout. But let’s not make any generalizations because there are a lot of ads out there which really manage to bring out the designer’s clothes, which can leave viewer’s gobsmacked.

Fashion, at times, warrants using the ‘shock and awe’ strategy. Hey, it’s fashion not thermal underwear. Therefore fashion the world-over has and always will remain unapologetic for its plethora of idiosyncrasies.

Remember the print ads and billboards which featured model Aamminah Haq all wrapped up and cozy in solely ties – courtesy designer Ammar Belal’s men’s line? At first glance one would be prompted to say ‘Mama Mia’, but at second glance, one would think; ‘How weird, why wrap a female model up in men’s ties when the ad can feature male models donning suits and the ties?’

But see, here’s the thing; the aforementioned ad is one fine example of the ‘shock and awe’ strategy.

And hey you know what? It works. It manages to convey the designer’s attitude vis-à-vis his clothes, and in addition it gives interested buyers a message that the clothes convey a certain lifestyle and personality type. One that is fun, spunky and risqué – and has nothing to do with wrapping women up with ties (don’t get any ideas).

On the OTHER hand, some fashion print ads can be particularly asinine. Such as models floating underwater holding purses or swishing about their designer garb whilst looking like terrified goldfish. Ads like that don’t make head or tail. I mean, what’s the designer or the creative dude behind the ad trying to put across? It’s not like any woman out there (while flipping through a fashion glossy) would exclaim (as she comes across the ad) in excitement wishing that she too could swish about dramatically 10 feet deep in a tank of water!

And just as blatant copying/plagiarism exists in advertising – no matter which product is being advertised – some local fashion shoots and print ads are too, ripped off from international glossies such as Vogue, Cosmopolitan, Harper’s Bazaar, Vanity Fair, etc. At times, there really seems to be a serious dearth of both creativity and originality in both the local fashion and advertising industries.

On a totally different tangent (yet remaining within the fashion/advertising issue at hand), it is also said that certain local publications approach certain well-established designers for interviews and only let them go into print with the bargain of getting an ad in return from the designers. Therefore the question here arises is: how much support do our local designers really get from the local print media in terms of publicity?

“A lot of the content that you see in these fashion publications is planned according to the likes of the designers/make-up artists who regularly buy advertising space in a magazine”, Anum Pasha a twenty-something fashion journalist states, “This can be anything from a cover story to a one-paragraph mini feature. Very few fashion magazines will have an unbiased approach towards fashion. As it is in the fashion industry itself that backbiting, and the ‘I-scratch-your-back-you-scratch-my-back’ phenomenon are common elements, a lot of fashion journalists are bombarded with pleas, favours, threats, and so on. Thus, coverage carries a huge element of bias in Pakistan.”

That’s a pretty interesting spin on the entire subject wouldn’t you agree? So while some publications may ‘blackmail’ designers to buy advertising space in their rag-mags with promises of promotion, designers too wind up wining and dining editors of these very publications to get coverage, publicity, support and yes – a sugary dollop of favouritism.

I’ve seen it happen – up close and personal. Therefore, at the end of the day it really all is a two-way street. Fashion and advertising is not as black and white as you may think it is – it can be shady, vibrant and dubious all at once.

In the words of reputed ad-man, Leo Burnett: “I am one who believes that one of the greatest dangers of advertising is not that of misleading people, but that of boring them to death”, and, “Fun without sell gets nowhere but sell without fun tends to become obnoxious.” So very true, especially when advertisers and designers consider over the top ad themes as ‘mod-run’ and ‘new-age’ by placing babies on toast and models in water tanks!

Synergyzer Magazine

By Sonya Rehman

From ‘Blogger’, ‘WordPress’, ‘Flickr’, ‘Youtube’, discussion forums and a host of other websites, Citizen Journalism (also known as public journalism) has truly shot through the roof over the past few years!

Even CNN’s ‘iReport’ website caters to anyone and everyone – irrespective of class, creed, and religion – to participate in reporting current events in addition to giving their take on a particular subject matter. 

I would even go so far in stating that ‘Facebook’ too acts as quite a podium for its users to vent out via their Facebook statuses and penning short, snappy opinion pieces on Facebook’s ‘Notes’ section which allows its users to publish text, images and videos! Recently during the Long March, I found myself most intrigued while reading the status updates and notes of many friends and acquaintances on my list. Infact, almost every news tidbit ‘just in’ would immediately be broadcasted on Facebook by someone I knew, which would then be followed up by a host of fiery, and utterly fascinating comments by their friends. 

The ‘chain reaction’ (if you may) of Citizen Journalism is swift and super-charged, wired and raw. It’s almost like a row of countless dominoes which keep going on and on and on, once propelled. 

With Citizen Journalism the dialogue never ends, and the views always depict different facets to a story. 

In 2008 a much-welcomed addition to citizen journalism portals is a website known as ‘Demotix’. Founded by Turi Munthe and Jonathan Tepper, Demotix was initiated “with two principles at its heart”, Turi states (in an email in response to mine), “The freedom of speech and the freedom to know. Its objective is nothing if not ambitious – to rescue journalism by connecting independent journalists with the traditional media.”

Interestingly, Turi believes that field-reporting is fast-fading in this day and age. “There are no more journalists”, he states matter-of-factly, “The internet and big businesses have killed them off. The huge uptake in use of the internet along with the business ownership structure of media groups, are the main reason for its decline. Quality international journalism is in dire trouble, but Demotix believes it cannot be lost. Only four US newspapers now maintain a foreign desk – the New York Times, the Washington Post, the Wall Street Journal, and the LA Times. That is four newspapers with reporters dedicated to covering the rest of the world in a country of over 300 million people. In the last few weeks alone, The San Francisco Chronicle has been threatened with closure, the Philadelphia Enquirer has gone down, and there are rumours the New York Times may not be able to refinance its $1billion debt in May. That’s just the US. In the UK, even the Financial Times recently sacked 40 staff members!”

But unlike blogs which primarily focus on text, Demotix only features images and video clips. However, what steps does the portal take to ensure each submission’s credibility? Because with the internet one can never tell – almost anything online can be plagiarized. “This is a problem which is not just faced by Citizen Journalism agencies. In the past few years several major news agencies – including Reuters, AP and Getty – have faced accusations that they distributed faked, altered or misleading photography”, Turi states, “Verifiability is something that Demotix takes extremely seriously – without the trust of our contributors and clients we could not survive. Before we license an image, we speak personally to the photographer and carry out as many checks as are necessary to satisfy ourselves completely that the work is an accurate and truthful depiction of events as they happened. We also believe that nothing moderates itself better than a community. As the discussion over our images from the Gaza conflict showed, there will always be people ready and willing to analyze and question photographs where necessary. The more sensitive the topic, the closer this scrutiny will be.”

So here’s how it works, if a particular news agency wants to buy your submission (which is featured on Demotix), you get to keep fifty percent of the profits, while Demotix pockets the remaining fifty. It’s quite simple. Since its inception, the portal has made quite a few sales to well-known media houses such as the Guardian, the Times, the Telegraph, and the BBC. 

“We have also received a huge amount of interest and support from organizations dealing with freedom of speech and advocacy issues. We have partnered with Reporters Sans Frontiers, Amnesty International and the Committee for the Protection of Journalists, and are backed by the United Nations”, Turi affirms. 

Recently returning from a trip to Pakistan, Turi said that he had traveled around South Asia to meet anyone who had a story to share. In his two-week trip, Turi met with many “extraordinary photographers immensely brave journalists, activists, students, newspaper editors, and media owners.”

(Above: Turi Munthe)

New to Demotix and based in Lahore, Heather Carreiro (a writer for the Associated Content) subscribes to the notion that Citizen Journalism “is essential for the media to accurately portray world events and give insight into different cultures. Many times the mainstream media ends up presenting a skewed view of situations because the reporters are only able to see the event from one perspective. For many breaking news stories around the world, journalists are flown in to cover the events. They lack the background knowledge, language skills, and cultural clues that would give them a fuller picture of the events at hand. Those who can accurately portray events and give valid insights are people who were there when the event happened and have the background knowledge necessary to understand the event as it pertains to the wider picture. Citizen Journalists often have both of these advantages.”

Khaver Siddiqi, a cultural journalist based in Karachi, has a different take: “Citizen Journalism is a volatile concept, and is something that will redefine journalism as we know it. Why is it volatile? Not everybody can be a journalist, a job that requires absolute neutrality combined with a dedication to get the news out. In an age where terrorism and fanaticism are quickly becoming up to date on technology, who will say who is a citizen journalist or a pawn of terror in its guise? However, there can be something good out of this too. People will be motivated enough to spread the word out to the world, which even though is growing smaller by the second, still has a lot to discover about itself.” 

“Today, bloggers are interviewed almost as often as experts on television”, Kalsoom Lakhani (a Pakistani blogger based in Washington DC) says, “Forums like ‘Twitter’ and blogs allow for real-time reporting, and doesn’t require the red tape and hoops journalists may have to go through with their editors. With my blog, ‘CHUP – Changing Up Pakistan’, I have noticed that readers of my site are active participants – debating on various topics and questions raised in my analysis. It has altered one’s previous conceptions of journalism – today, we are not only the consumers of information, but we are also the active producers.” 

In November, 2007, when Musharraf declared a state of emergency within the country – the local media organizations, writers, analysts, journalists, activists and members of the civil society were up in arms. 

It was a very surreal, almost dark patch for our media houses. Anger ran deep. But to combat this ‘blanketing of the media’ back then, websites, portals and blogs were availed for Pakistanis to voice their opinions, put up video clips, and state things how they saw them to be. 

It was these very portals which came as a great source of relief, as they gave a podium to a wide cross-section of the Pakistani civil society in their hour of need. 

That being stated, while Citizen Journalism may have its fair share of loop-holes vis-à-vis plagiarism and credibility, ask yourself – how credible are those sensationalist media houses both at home and abroad? 

In Citizen Journalism, every voice counts. And ‘news just in’ reported by just about anyone – sitting smack in the middle of a groundbreaking event – perhaps carries much more significance than a sketchy report (of the event) penned by someone sitting on the opposite side of the world. 

The Friday Times

By Sonya Rehman 

“Masoom Alam wanted to open a franchise of ‘Masooms’ in Lahore”, Farida Zaidi tells me before proceeding, “And around that time we were looking at starting a franchise too.” 

So in 2003, ‘Masooms’ – a much loved, local, coffee house/bakery – introduced itself to the Lahori palate. 

With trained cooks, Farida tells me that much has changed over the years since 2003. “At the time, initially, we had only four people in the kitchen and two in the shop…it took an immense amount of hard work as I would often have to buy the groceries and deliver them myself to and from the shops and the bakery.”

But over the years, ‘Masooms’ truly has carved a name for itself – especially given the fact that new coffee houses have managed to spring up by the dozen in Lahore. And that, Farida states, was slightly worrisome in the beginning. But the ‘Masooms’ customer base has remained pretty consistent, since they “never compromise on quality.” 

That holds quite true. In Lahore with the surplus of cafes and restaurants, many filter out because they wind up not being able to remain very steady vis-à-vis the quality of their food. 

And that’s why the food business is always so very ‘touch and go’. You lose out once, and you’re out of the game. But ‘Masooms’, nestled in the basement of a building smack on Lahore’s busy MM Alam Road (the hub of the city’s eateries), sees students, business executives, young couples and journalists come and go amidst tiny, misty clouds of fresh coffee, warm patties and soft, chubby brownies.

“You know, at times we’ve gone for weeks without making a particular item – like our blueberry and strawberry cheesecakes for example”, Farida says, “and that’s because one or two of the ingredients (that we use in our cheesecakes) haven’t been available in the market. We have suffered in that way, but if the ingredient isn’t obtainable in the bazaar – we will hold up making the item till it is.”

Since the launch of ‘Masooms’ back in 2003, Farida in her soft-spoken way agrees that the road has not been without its fair share of bumps and downslides. But she remains pragmatic, having taken these very challenges within her stride – remaining undeterred and evermore resilient. 

Things look far better now than how they used to be – with far more cooks and managers administering the daily output, but Farida stresses that she still makes it a point to oversee the shop’s productivity at every step of the way. 

They say behind every successful man is a woman, but in this case – behind every successful bakery, there’s got to be a meticulous woman! 

 Newsline

By Sonya Rehman 

Over the past few years, as the outer skin of Lahore has undergone a colossal metamorphosis, so has its society…on a very deep, subconscious level. As the branded stores, foreign food chains, multinationals and buildings have burgeoned, there has been an equally rapid shift in mass consciousness. 

Long gone are those condemnatory days where hushed remarks, lingering trails of gossip and malicious whispers of so-and-so being a divorcee and so-and-so’s daughter calling it quits and walking out from a half-baked marriage as a single woman ready to face the world, head-on. 

The hypocritical tittle-tattle may well, still be there, but it floats about mindlessly as it remains tinged with boredom and a certain amount of acceptance and recognition as one of the major options for a stale marriage. 

Honestly, I never thought I’d see the day. Belonging to a single-parent family (I loathe calling it a ‘broken home’) most of my life, I witnessed my mother being judged on a daily basis for being a ‘single woman’. 

And whilst judging my mother, they would in turn judge me – by telling each other that I too, would wind up being divorced and single. Why? Because oh, I was my mother’s daughter after all. 

But the past five to seven years has inked out those disparaging days. For a majority of those very men and women who labeled divorcees as ‘bad’ people, have wound up with their very own divorced children back on their doorsteps – suitcases and toddlers in tow.

This is not to state that every Lahori family out there has truly ‘evolved’ in the marriage department, but a majority has. 

Sure the city still retains its pockets of conservative, orthodox (and some backward, judgmental) families, but divorce, I reiterate isn’t taken as an earth-shattering family calamity anymore. It’s taken in stride. 

Karachi may well have had its fair share of societal issues, but regarding marriage, divorce and the firm resolution to stay single? It has fared better than Lahore. 

Only now, over these past few years has Lahore truly come to terms with it being ‘okay’ to be a divorcee, and that being a divorcee does not necessarily mean a dreadful thing. 

So now, while parents across the city encourage their daughters to take up solid careers and become financially independent, the rate of early divorces and late marriages has shot up. 

These days it’s not uncommon for a young woman to get married in her late 20s and sometimes even, her early 30s. In addition, the disengagement from a marriage after barely a year or so hardly comes as a shocker anymore.

People may well still talk, finger-point and wrap their dim-witted social banter with sympathy for the “poor” young divorcee, but give or take a week, and it’s shrugged off. 

But the rapid increase in divorces amongst young couples could mean many things such as; the media boom in Pakistan (and the awareness that it has brought with it), the stress for a good solid education for young women (by families) – and the gradual build-up of a feeling of empowerment which follows, and so on.

See, divorce isn’t a bad thing. It stands as a good option, but only if one party finds himself/herself shoved into a corner with a point of no return – such as; bearing physical/emotional abuse at the cost of one’s partner, infidelity, etc. 

These days, young couples (and young people in general) are rather flippant. Forget the whole theory of ‘wanting to be married for the love of the idea of marriage’ – that stands as one reason too, but the main reason right now is the empowerment of women in Lahore and the inherent flippancy of young adults. 

A mix of flippancy and far too much pseudo-pragmatism if you will. A “let’s see how it pans out” pragmatism.

But coming back to the alteration in a woman’s place in Lahori society, I recently came across a paragraph in well-known Erica Jong’s best-selling novel, ‘Fear of flying’: “Back in the days when men were hunters and chest-beaters and women spent their whole lives worrying about pregnancy or dying in childbirth, they often had to be taken against their will. Men complained that women were cold, unresponsive; frigid…they wanted their women wanton. They wanted their women wild. Now women were finally learning to be wanton and wild – and what happened? The men wilted.”  

Jong was right. Female empowerment in Lahore may well be a very good thing, but why is it that some of the strongest women I know marry some of the most emotionally impotent men out there? 

And on the flip side, why is it that men these days prefer a strong-headed, career-oriented woman yet begin doing cart-wheels after the marriage vows are exchanged? What really is wrong with this picture?

Nancy Friday, another best-selling author subscribes to the notion that empowered women in the workforce don’t really know how to play the dual role of a wife and a career-woman. 

Somewhere along the line they fall short – while on one hand they may appear tough and cut-throat at work, but on the other hand they may become too clingy and emotionally dependent on their partners. Why? Is the empowerment just a façade? Has society drilled it into our heads for decades – that a woman without a man is nothing but an empty shell? Is divorce these days a self-defense mechanism to cut one’s losses before they begin hurting? Does consumerism in Lahore really have a role to play in all of this no matter how far-fetched it sounds? The notion that there’s so much ‘choice’ out there that it drives one a little wonky? The silly belief that one can always ‘do better’ and possess someone better in the marriage department? 

Have we really begun changing our partners just as swiftly as we would change our brands?

Marriage always comes with a bit of compromise – I mean that’s a given, it’s never a Mills & Boons novel from start to finish. But young adults in this day and age follow an almost zero tolerance policy for anything that would/could rub them the wrong way in the marriage/companionship department. 

I admit, I have my hang-ups too – but I’m working on it. Just as it took us years to be conditioned this way, it’ll take us time to gradually re-condition ourselves to view love and marriage in a balanced way. Without presumptions. Without bias.  

The Friday Times