New Skin

By Sonya Rehman I wonder how long this will last. This being suspended in the sludge of the past and the present, this strange rebirth, this being thrown into the deep end where only the strongest stay afloat… Time sputtered and squeaked to a halt as we – each of us – switched into survival … More New Skin

I’m Not Here

By Sonya Rehman I’m not sure what I’m grieving. But there’s a mass around my heart that has seemed to dull the feeling-ness of things. It’s a bit clunky, but it’s something that I have grown accustomed to for a long time. When life – correction, my perception of life – gets overwhelming, I begin … More I’m Not Here

A Magic Shadow-show

By Sonya Rehman   For in and out, above, about, below, ‘Tis nothing but a Magic Shadow-show, Play’d in a Box whose Candle is the Sun, Round which we Phantom Figures comes and go. – The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám   We’d been planning on moving to Islamabad for a year. In early 2019, we … More A Magic Shadow-show

Specks of Star Dust

Dearest, I love this time of the year. I love how time manages to slow down, only to rev itself up come January. I love the softness of December, the slowness; 31 days to re-assess, replenish and repair. Thank you God, thank you little green martian(s), thank you Aretha Franklin, thank you baby barn owl … More Specks of Star Dust

Unsent

By Sonya Rehman God listens. God knows. God, within muscle and bone.  In 2014, in the winter of my sibling’s year-long medical treatment, I lay in my bed heartbroken, unable to sleep. The loneliness was piercing, acute. It was only then did my self-imposed single-ness feel like an albatross around my neck. What was I punishing myself for, I … More Unsent

Ringing In 2017

By Sonya Rehman Before you proceed, please know, this isn’t one of those little rosey-posey slice of life pieces on a 30-something man-less, child-less woman looking back on a life riddled with hardships, championing advice on how to survive Lahore, the world, amidst the sharks and serpents. Instead, let me tone down the romanticism a … More Ringing In 2017

Notes From July

By Sonya Rehman In their 40s and 50s, my older colleagues tell me I should have strapped on the old ball and chain in my 20s. The older you get, they say, and the more set in your ways you become. I understand that now. But if you maintain your feminine grace, what is wrong … More Notes From July

Self-Preservation

By Sonya Rehman I think God tells you it’s time to change in very subtle ways. It’s never direct. It could be by way of a thought, a vision, a random conversation with someone, or an observation – something that jolts you awake. I’ve been foggy-headed for months; dragging my feet through a routine that … More Self-Preservation

We Are Loved

By Sonya Rehman Over the past few weeks I met two beautiful girls with holes in their hearts the size of craters. Mothers, lost, mothers, taken away, tragedy, pain, like child-birth, I felt but half a human in their presence. Their endurance and resilience made me feel such an utter sense of shame. Because there’s … More We Are Loved