Notes From July

By Sonya Rehman

In their 40s and 50s, my older colleagues tell me I should have strapped on the old ball and chain in my 20s. The older you get, they say, and the more set in your ways you become. I understand that now. But if you maintain your feminine grace, what is wrong with knowing your ‘self,’ understanding the mechanics of your heart and this new role: womanhod? I don’t understand how a woman who knows who she is can prove intimidating to an evolved man. Notice I write man, because those who are easily afraid, intimidated, unsure of self-made women are still boys who need their own time, space, to grow. And I hold nothing against them.

The other day I realized I was ‘over’ a lot of incidents, people, that were riling me up, affecting me in my present. Was quietly startled that I had actually let go of a huge chunk of the emotional baggage. The realization prompted me to connect the dots: at what point did I break free? I don’t know. It just happened without my knowing.

Or maybe I just walked towards myself, finally loving, wholly, who I was, what I stood for.

Saidpur Village, Islamabad - Photo: Sonya Rehman
Saidpur Village, Islamabad – Photo: Sonya Rehman

 

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