Sonya Rehman’s Archive

By Sonya Rehman 

Over the past few years, as the outer skin of Lahore has undergone a colossal metamorphosis, so has its society…on a very deep, subconscious level. As the branded stores, foreign food chains, multinationals and buildings have burgeoned, there has been an equally rapid shift in mass consciousness. 

Long gone are those condemnatory days where hushed remarks, lingering trails of gossip and malicious whispers of so-and-so being a divorcee and so-and-so’s daughter calling it quits and walking out from a half-baked marriage as a single woman ready to face the world, head-on. 

The hypocritical tittle-tattle may well, still be there, but it floats about mindlessly as it remains tinged with boredom and a certain amount of acceptance and recognition as one of the major options for a stale marriage. 

Honestly, I never thought I’d see the day. Belonging to a single-parent family (I loathe calling it a ‘broken home’) most of my life, I witnessed my mother being judged on a daily basis for being a ‘single woman’. 

And whilst judging my mother, they would in turn judge me – by telling each other that I too, would wind up being divorced and single. Why? Because oh, I was my mother’s daughter after all. 

But the past five to seven years has inked out those disparaging days. For a majority of those very men and women who labeled divorcees as ‘bad’ people, have wound up with their very own divorced children back on their doorsteps – suitcases and toddlers in tow.

This is not to state that every Lahori family out there has truly ‘evolved’ in the marriage department, but a majority has. 

Sure the city still retains its pockets of conservative, orthodox (and some backward, judgmental) families, but divorce, I reiterate isn’t taken as an earth-shattering family calamity anymore. It’s taken in stride. 

Karachi may well have had its fair share of societal issues, but regarding marriage, divorce and the firm resolution to stay single? It has fared better than Lahore. 

Only now, over these past few years has Lahore truly come to terms with it being ‘okay’ to be a divorcee, and that being a divorcee does not necessarily mean a dreadful thing. 

So now, while parents across the city encourage their daughters to take up solid careers and become financially independent, the rate of early divorces and late marriages has shot up. 

These days it’s not uncommon for a young woman to get married in her late 20s and sometimes even, her early 30s. In addition, the disengagement from a marriage after barely a year or so hardly comes as a shocker anymore.

People may well still talk, finger-point and wrap their dim-witted social banter with sympathy for the “poor” young divorcee, but give or take a week, and it’s shrugged off. 

But the rapid increase in divorces amongst young couples could mean many things such as; the media boom in Pakistan (and the awareness that it has brought with it), the stress for a good solid education for young women (by families) – and the gradual build-up of a feeling of empowerment which follows, and so on.

See, divorce isn’t a bad thing. It stands as a good option, but only if one party finds himself/herself shoved into a corner with a point of no return – such as; bearing physical/emotional abuse at the cost of one’s partner, infidelity, etc. 

These days, young couples (and young people in general) are rather flippant. Forget the whole theory of ‘wanting to be married for the love of the idea of marriage’ – that stands as one reason too, but the main reason right now is the empowerment of women in Lahore and the inherent flippancy of young adults. 

A mix of flippancy and far too much pseudo-pragmatism if you will. A “let’s see how it pans out” pragmatism.

But coming back to the alteration in a woman’s place in Lahori society, I recently came across a paragraph in well-known Erica Jong’s best-selling novel, ‘Fear of flying’: “Back in the days when men were hunters and chest-beaters and women spent their whole lives worrying about pregnancy or dying in childbirth, they often had to be taken against their will. Men complained that women were cold, unresponsive; frigid…they wanted their women wanton. They wanted their women wild. Now women were finally learning to be wanton and wild – and what happened? The men wilted.”  

Jong was right. Female empowerment in Lahore may well be a very good thing, but why is it that some of the strongest women I know marry some of the most emotionally impotent men out there? 

And on the flip side, why is it that men these days prefer a strong-headed, career-oriented woman yet begin doing cart-wheels after the marriage vows are exchanged? What really is wrong with this picture?

Nancy Friday, another best-selling author subscribes to the notion that empowered women in the workforce don’t really know how to play the dual role of a wife and a career-woman. 

Somewhere along the line they fall short – while on one hand they may appear tough and cut-throat at work, but on the other hand they may become too clingy and emotionally dependent on their partners. Why? Is the empowerment just a façade? Has society drilled it into our heads for decades – that a woman without a man is nothing but an empty shell? Is divorce these days a self-defense mechanism to cut one’s losses before they begin hurting? Does consumerism in Lahore really have a role to play in all of this no matter how far-fetched it sounds? The notion that there’s so much ‘choice’ out there that it drives one a little wonky? The silly belief that one can always ‘do better’ and possess someone better in the marriage department? 

Have we really begun changing our partners just as swiftly as we would change our brands?

Marriage always comes with a bit of compromise – I mean that’s a given, it’s never a Mills & Boons novel from start to finish. But young adults in this day and age follow an almost zero tolerance policy for anything that would/could rub them the wrong way in the marriage/companionship department. 

I admit, I have my hang-ups too – but I’m working on it. Just as it took us years to be conditioned this way, it’ll take us time to gradually re-condition ourselves to view love and marriage in a balanced way. Without presumptions. Without bias.  

The Friday Times

By Sonya Rehman 

Word has it that the US Dollar is soon to be replaced by the ‘Amero’. Is this just another conspiracy theory kicked up by a bunch of bored conspiracy theorists? 

Who knows, but at the rate the US economy finds itself sinking further into a quicksand recession, the introduction of the Amero might just turn out to be a reality. 

And this brings us to the North American Union (NAU). So what exactly is the NAU? The NAU apparently brings together the United States, Canada and Mexico under one umbrella – with the eradication of each country’s borders – to allow free trade, in addition to the free entry and exit of people residing in the three aforementioned countries. 

The NAU, infact, is quite like the European Union, which too, follows an agenda which is absolutely globalized: one system, one currency – where the US Dollar, Canadian Dollar and the Mexican Peso will be replaced by the Amero. 

But the Western media, for reasons unknown, hasn’t really addressed the NAU and the Amero. 

During my online research, I found that well-known publications such as The Washington Post, The New York Times, Newsweek and TIME failed to carry any sort of newsbyte, article or column addressing this conspiracy theory (or imminent reality). 

Drake Bennett of The Boston Globe is perhaps the only credible journalist (whose article I sourced online) who published an article in November 2007 about the entire Amero conspiracy. 

Bennett, in his article states: “If you haven’t heard about the NAU that may be because its plotters have succeeded in keeping it secret. Or, more likely, because there is no such thing. Government officials say a continental union is out of the question, and economists and political analysts overwhelmingly agree that there will not be a North American Union in our lifetimes. But belief in the NAU – that the plans are very real, and that the nation is poised to lose its independence – has been spreading from its origins in the conservative fringe, colouring political press conferences and candidate question-and-answer sessions, and reaching a kind of critical mass on the campaign trail.”

Another website claimed that the US had shipped 800 billion Ameros to China to cover its debt obligation! 

Could all of this really be hearsay? An interesting 2006 report titled ‘Analysts: Dollar collapse would result in Amero’ (up on a number of websites and e-zines) quotes Bob Chapman (a financial newsletter writer): “People in the US are going to be hit hard,” Chapman warned. “In the severe recession we are entering now, Bush will argue that we have to form a North American Union to compete with the Euro.” “Creating the Amero”, Chapman explained, “will be presented to the American public as the administration’s solution for dollar recovery. In the process of creating the Amero, the Bush administration just abandons the dollar.”

A reporter/commentator working for CNN, Lou Dobbs officially stated that the foundation for the NAU – a borderless nation – is in actuality, being set without the approval of the hundreds and millions of citizens that will be affected by it. 

Wikipedia covers the Amero conspiracy quite extensively. For instance, the website claims that in 2001, the results of a poll in Quebec affirmed that while “over 50 percent of respondents favoured the idea of a shared currency”; the rest opposed the notion of a common currency. 

Mexico, on the other hand quite interestingly (as stated by Wikipedia) supports the notion: “Former Mexican President Vincente Fox echoed that view and expressed his hope for a greater integration of Canada, Mexico and the United States, including an eventual monetary union while on a 2007 promotional tour for his book ‘Revolution of Hope’”. 

Why the Amero conspiracy may just turn out to be a farce is because the creation of one system – uniting the economies of America, Canada and Mexico – will transfer the reign of power into the palms of America. And this might not go down well with Canada and Mexico as then; both countries would have to forgo economic independence in addition to America tapping into Mexico and Canada’s natural resources.  

The words of caution coming by way of American scholars, writers and journalists whilst the American economy plummets further down the growth curve into heavy-duty decline, can’t help but make one wonder and feel perhaps, slightly suspicious about the Amero conspiracy actually becoming a hard-hitting truth. 

This is because the greatest superpower in the world – the United States of America – finds itself in an economic malaise, one that can be juxtaposed with the Great Depression of the 1930s. 

While some conspiracy theories remain riddled with loop-holes, others stand in a quivery state of stagnation – waiting to be proven and/or negated. 

From the New World Order, underground secret societies, and now the NAU, one wonders what the truth really is regarding the latter. 

Could the NAU and the introduction of the Amero be a looming reality – introduced just in time to save the American economy from the shambles? 

Or, could it simply be another one of those batty conspiracy theories, feeding on one’s paranoia…which, with time, will eventually be swept under the rug?

By Sonya Rehman

So I recently turned 26. And for some odd reason, the thought of it didn’t flip me out like I thought it would. I did however; wake up on the 9th of January feeling as if I didn’t want anyone fussing over me. 

Although, secretly, I will admit – I quite like being fussed over as long as it’s not made obvious. If it is made obvious, I feel quite silly actually. Especially on birthdays. This is because I imagine frightening little scenes where I’m dressed in a heavily embellished shalwar-kameez, with a bib attached to my collar, surrounded by friends and family, stuffing my face with frothy cake, whilst being photographed and videoed with a DJ (who goes by the name of ‘DJ Yakoob’) spinning a club version of Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On’ in the distance. 

Birthdays can be really grand affairs these days and I suppose that’s what gives me the heebie-jeebies. 

The other day I met with a few close friends when we got talking about whether or not hitting a ‘quarter-life crisis’ in one’s mid/late 20s was a reality or not. 

I believe it is. “Our generation is so caught up with trying to make something out of ourselves that by the time we reach 26-28, we find ourselves completely burnt out”, one of my friends said. 

He was right. By our age, everyone has either gotten their ‘act together’ vis-à-vis getting hitched to an old sweetheart or finding a decent job. Or on the other hand, maybe our generation finds itself displaced – wanting desperately to appear ‘settled’ and in control of their lives. But the burnt out part I can somewhat relate with at this stage. 

(Above: a fuzzy photo of my birthday cake)

Gone are the days of teenage angst, acne, a passionate temper and puppy love. Maybe once we hit our mid-20s we begin to understand ourselves better, we tone down. We’re far less ignorant, and more practical. More self-assured. How bloody boring. 

I recall either reading this particular line somewhere or watching an actor saying it in some movie. I fail to remember the name of the book and/or movie but the line went something like never losing one’s ‘childish enthusiasm’ and that it should always be retained throughout one’s life. 

I believe that to be quite true. There’s a limit to how pragmatic you can be after all – pragmatic about love, about life, about careers, about friends…about everything really. Because to be pragmatic constantly, makes one calculate the pros and cons of everything on a constant basis. 

Horrid and tiring I tell you. Also, in the long-run, quite embittering. No doubt a certain dose of pragmatism can save one from a lot of hassle and heartbreak; yet, it leaves a lot to be desired. Because you’re always on your guard and on alert mode all the blinking time. Hence, new experiences – whether good or bad – are slashed down to a big zero. 

How then, does one grow internally without some risk-taking, without throwing caution to the wind every now and then?

With the onset of winter, I had the pleasure of meeting an old friend’s sibling’s friends (there’s a tongue twister for you right there). 

All in their early 20’s – not quite adults, and yet, not quite children either, with big, undecided dreams…I almost found myself slightly jealous of the few years they had – rolled out like a plush red carpet – before they were to enter the mid/late 20’s zone. 

I’m not sour about turning 26, I assure you. But it’s just that now, when I see the generation below mine, I find them to be so much wiser than how we used to be in our early 20’s. And maybe that’s what throws me off balance a little. The premature wisdom that these little fellas have. 

I was quite a goof at 21 (still am), as were my batch mates during our college days. We’d mosey about, without a care in the world. There was something very raw, teenage-ish about us back then. Highly naïve. Inherently trusting. The 21-year-olds that I see now have this wonderful, almost alien wisdom in their eyes that I never had at their age. And it baffles me at times – their self-assured gait, speech and presence. 

In all of this, the sad part is that maybe this generation has grown up too fast – so fast that they now stand a little jaded, a little broken, a little too pragmatic. 

Maybe age, really just is just a number. Maybe some of us eventually do make conscious decisions whether or not to be young at heart for the rest of our lives, or, to appear wise…well beyond our years. 

The Friday Times

By Sonya Rehman

I recently went to see an improvisational comedy troupe (that goes by the name of ‘SHARK’) perform at LUMS. The troupe – which comprises of five boys and one girl – were apparently touring the cities of Lahore, Karachi and Islamabad. 

So on a Monday night, I found myself squished into a corner in a packed LUMS auditorium. 

So was SHARK’s bite one to remember? You bet it was. For two straight hours I found myself laughing more than I had in weeks – so much so that by the end of it my cheeks and ribs ached as I made my way to the parking lot. 

With their crazy antics, absolutely random humour and ‘all over the place’, slapstick wit, SHARK made their performance thoroughly interactive too, as the audience was asked to partake in suggesting names and objects in the skits and games. 

It was a night to remember, one where I shall forgive all those shrill, jostling LUMNITES for stepping on my toes. 

In Pakistan, there’s a lot of comedy to go around. You just have to be a little more observant than usual. 

For instance, ever noticed the massive stickers (in bubble fonts) plastered over the back windows of cars? They’re an absolute riot. I recently spotted a shady little Khyber sporting a sticker which read: “Don’t Follow Me!” 

Yes. With the bass throbbing away merrily inside from the jiggling little contraption, its black tinted windows rolled up and bright blue fog lights blazing away, anyone on the road would be enticed to stalk it. Better put up a huge silver sticker to ward off the psychos!

Even our local dailies carry bits of humour – tucked away here and there, peeking out of a column, a caption or two. 

Case in point: a heading I came across which read: “War no slution”. It made me wonder, what if the reporter/editor had – by error – left out the ‘ion’, making the caption appear as: “War no slut”. 

Yeah, you tell ‘em! Don’t go judging war like that girlfriend! America may’ve bombed Iraq and Afghanistan to smithereens, but that doesn’t mean America has a ‘loose character’, is dirty, immoral, promiscuous, and licentious – haw hai.

In another local English newspaper, the front page carried a picture whose caption read: “Members of ‘Maharashtra Navanirman Sena’, a right-wing political party, burn music disks of renowned Pakistani singer Ghulam Ali during a protest against Pakistan on Tuesday”.

Right. So now we know, whenever India ticks us off we’ll take to the streets shredding and clawing at posters of Amitabh Bachan and bonking effigies of Shahrukh Khan on the head.

Take that Mr. Bachan! Rip, shred, rip! Want a piece of me Shahrukh? No? Ha Ha, thought so, punk! Bonk, whack, bonk bonk! 

To commemorate Christmas, Nawaz Sharif and Shahbaz Sharif were shown cutting into a huge cake – whilst flanked by other PML-N supporters, in another national daily. If you think that’s funny, the dark-skinned Santa with eye-bags growing out of Nawaz’s left shoulder really took the cake (literally)! 

I do wonder – after the cake was cut by ten pairs of PML-N hands – if everyone took turns to sit on Santa’s lap with their wish lists whilst singing Christmas carols. 

So yes, in Pakistan, there’s a lot of humour to go around. And these days, boy do we need laughter. 

Of late watching a bunch of F16’s roar over the sky above was incredibly unsettling. But as I stood on my roof, looking up, I spotted some of my neighbours pointing at the jets and smiling. 

It was the strangest thing. But it made me realize that no matter what happens whether or not our national security is at stake and whether or not we Pakistanis are victims of inflation, we still find ourselves chugging along with a few grunts and whimpers. 

It’s all very bittersweet. Yet, it makes me question whether our rebounding back to routine and ‘normalcy’ is just plain optimism, numbness, or…a bit of both?

As the world enters into the New Year, one can’t help but wonder what 2009 will bring with it. Hopefully, and perhaps optimistically…a lot more laughter.